Why Can't I Stop?

Romans 7:15-25
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.


We all want to live by God's word and live our lives like Jesus. It seems like the harder we try we somehow drift back to our sinful ways that we have vowed to give up. We hate these ways and we despise ourselves when we commit these acts. The truth is we can't quit doing these things along, all we can really do is put our faith and trust into Jesus and ask him to help us stop doing these things because we are sinning. So if you are having trouble stopping something that you know in your heart is wrong, put your hands together fall to your knees and ask for the help, ask for Jesus to come into your heart and help you overcome these things because you know in your heart that it is wrong and you want to stop.

Love Is Actions

1 John 3:18

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."

It is so easy to tell someone that you "love" them but do we really mean it whenever we say it? To me I don't think it is possible unless you know they do by the actions that make towards you. That is what this verse is saying by let us not love with words but actions, you should know by what someone does instead of what they say.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I got this verse from a friend of mine named Joe, and I researched it and found the meaning behind this verse and it I began to think that everyone in life makes bad choices. We all make choices that we wish we could go back into time and fix, but face it. The choices that we make good or bad will define our future and make up who we are. We can't see ahead to the future so we have no idea of the outcome, whats meant to happen is going to happen. We can let it defeat us and bring us down or we can rise above it and overcome it. One of the glorys of God is that we have the ability to be given second chances, all we got to do is seek forgiveness and we will recieve it. His love will always be their through the thick and thin. We will never be forsaken with God's love

Only Sure Thing

Isaiah 26:3-4
You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.
Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.

The only thing that is real in this world is the word of God. Everything else that consumes the lives of us are only temporary. As the verse says God is eternal, everyday through time no matter how long the world lasts he is the same each and everyday. The world around you will change, so will the people and just life in general but God is the same forever.

Cancer

Everyone goes through certain events that define who they are or what they will become in life. Whenever I was 6 years I began to feel sick and different then I usually did, I had sharp pains in my side and flu like symptoms. After a few days of this occuring over and over again I was taken to the doctor to have some tests done. That is when I was diagnosed with cancer, I really didn't know what to feel then because I was young so I didn't have a grasp of how serious this was. My parents rushed me to the hospital in Winston because the doctor said if I didn't recieve treatment then I was going to die. So after being rushed to the hospital I had to recieve a few pints of blood to make up for the blood that I was losing. A four year journey was about to unfold, so far this is the hardest thing that I think anyone could ever endure. I began chemo shortly after that and chemo takes all the energy out of you and makes you feel so sick. Each and everyday consisted of me waking up throwing up and just laying there being tired. I would have to stay in the hosptial for 2 weeks at time and then I would be able to go home for a week, that is if I wasn't running a fever that Sunday night. I also had to have a series of spinal taps done which is where they draw fluid from your spine with a needle, those hurt a great deal until you get use to them. After a while I had to take a certain medicine that gave me sores in my mouth so I was unable to talk or eat, those would last for a few days at a time. My cancer lasted for four years and everyday I wake up and am reminded of my battle because I have leg pains and my joints hurt. I can still remember the inside of the hosptial rooms I stayed in exactly and I can feel the cold air whenever I think about it. These memories will stay with me forever but they define who I am now and that is someone who now appreciates their life and has grown to notice the beauty around him in this world. I see things differently then most people because of this battle I fought. I have seen what cancer has done to other people in my family and also what is done to families around the world. It is a devistating thing but I know that I had to endure it for a reason because it is a part of God's plan for me with my life. My thoughts and prayers go out to anyone who has ever fought/beaten/or is currently going through some form of illness in their life.

Jeremiah

Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."
There is always going to be times in life in which you wish you could just call it quits. You wonder why is all this happening to me? why now? There is always going to be stress in our lives, everything in the world can't be easy because then we couldn't appreciate the things that we have worked so hard for, there would be no value for them at all. Pray about your stress each and everyday, when you seek God you will always find him. When you speak he will always hear, when your serious about finding him you won't be disapointed. Never give in just because things seem difficult or overwhelming, it can't last forever. Like they always say when your on the bottom of the only way is up.

The World Around You and I

Thank You Jesus for all that you have blessed me with.These are only a few of the many.




and most importantly your love.

Memories

I can still feel the cold floor as my bare feet touch
the color of the room is as alive as ever
those days of watching the world outside a small window go by
slowly rotting away from the inside out
these memories will never fade away
the question will always remain
why me?
why now?

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Will you, Will you love me tomorrow? So Will You, Will you stay with me today? Will you, Will you be here tomorrow? So Will You, you remember yesterday? Will you? So Will You? Will you?

Eternity

It is an amazing thought, that the world now is so massive and so populated. Just think about the life that was once here before us, its so amazing how generations have went by, times change, things grow/die. People before us use to stare into the sky at night and ponder on what the future might be, how the world will be different. Billions of people have already walked this earth long before I was born. Some made ever lasting imprints, some lead a normal life and just faded away with the hands of time. I know that my name will most likely never go down in a history book for future children to read, but I still would like to make an impact on my generation someway. I am not sure how I will accomplish this task but only time will tell. Why is being remembered so important to some people, after all we are spending a lifetime in eternity right?

"Life is like nature, we grow, blossum, wither, and die."
-Me


"...what people fail to realize is that all achievements are eventually surpassed, records are broken, reputations fade, and tributes are forgotten... you were not put on earth to be remembered, you were put here to prepare for eternity." -wavlen


This is called "Eternity"


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This is You

You are my foundation.



You are the love in the world.


You are perfect.




"Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. "

The World Around Me

He created this wonderful place.


The stars that we dream of soaring through at night.



This world is slowly losing its beauty.



But....You will never lose beauty, and you will keep my dreams alive. You will keep me soaring.



Thank You, and I Love You.

Your word, O Lord, is eternal ; it stands firm in the heavens.Your faithfulness continues through all generations;you established the earth, and it endures.Your laws endure to this day,for all things serve youIf your law had not been my delightI would have perished in my affliction.I will never forget your percepts,for by them you have perserved my life.Save me, for I am yours;I have sought out your preceptsthe wicked are waiting to destroy me,but I will ponder your statutes.to all perfection I see a limit;but your commands are boundless.

My back

I hurt my back last week but it is almost back to 100%. I am trying to change habits that I have in hopes of becoming a better person. starting with swearing. I havent said a swear word today so lets hope this lasts.


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I'm just a normal boy That sank when I fell overboard My ship would leave the country But I'd rather swim ashore Without a life vest, I'd be stuck again Wish I was much more masculine Maybe then I could learn to swim Like 'fourteen miles away' Now floating up and down I spin, colliding into sound Like whales beneath me diving down I'm sinking to the bottom of my Everything that freaks me out The lighthouse beam has just run out I'm cold as cold as cold can be be I want to swim away but don't know how Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean Let the waves up take me down Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah)Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down Let the rain come down

Soon

I will update soon. Meanwhile check out the new Rocky Balboa movie March 20th on DVD.

Ben Berkowitz Part 1

Ben wanted me to write a blog about all the times we have had together so here goes. Lets start in the beginning, I first met Ben in the CAA season of 2003. I was on a team with my friends Paul and Tyler, I never really knew any of my other teamates at first but I later got to know two of them. One being Ben the other Curtis, well at first I didn't really care much for Ben we talked once in a while and he always talked about Carolina where I use to be a Clemson fan. On the last day of the season we was at a pizza party in the back and I asked him if he had an AIM sn, he wrote it on a napkin which my mom tucked into her purse. Thus a friendship was born. We proceeded to talk to each other via AOL/AIM and he could only be on for an hour a day because he had dial up and his mom put a timer on the internet. One day we swiped numbers and began to talk on the phone more.

One day he asked me if I wanted to come over and hang out at his house so I agreed: Ben, his brother Zach, and his dad Bruce picked me up Saturday at Media Play and I ventured over to the Berkowitz home to see what life was like on his side of the city. We became great friends over the next few months.

Ben and Zach came over one day on a Saturday and we shared our first great "dud" memory together. It was my cousin Brandons birthday party so he had some of his friends over. One of which has stood out in our mind years after this event, his name being "Wheel Chair Smoker". This kid overused the F word extremely saying such sentences as "I am f*n hungry, I am f*n thirsty." and so on and so forth. After this day was over I told my grandma "well you will never see them again." I was dead wrong.

The next hilarious moment we had was one day after our CAA practice: Stedman, Ben and Curtis all came over for about 30 minutes to play some Gamecube till Ben's mom came over to pick them up. The game we played was Wrestlemania, now I have always been obsessed with wrestling games so I create people I know in real life onto the game and fight with them. So I had Curtis, Ben and Stedman on there and we proceeded to play a 4 way fatal match. Curtis and Stedman started to beat each other up until stedman used a trashcan to knock down Curtis. Stedman then used various weapons throughout the ring to keep Curtis down on the mat. Curtis began to get angry and stated "Man Stedman learn to fight for real." Stedman being the kind not to take crap from anyone kept hitting him over and over again with weapons and said "Is this real fighting Curtis? huh? Is this real fighting."

After that I went over to Bens house a weekend or so later and we became obsessed with throwing baseball outside in his back yard. I had pretty decent baseball skills back then because I lifted weights and was actually in shape. Ben labeled me with the nickname "Tank" because I could throw for so long and drink so much water and never ever use the bathroom.

After this point I questioned myself numerous times on why Ben was my friend after all this but the worst has yet to overcome us........

These thoughts run through my head

The other day I finally recieved the book I have been wanting to read for a while The Jesus I Never Knew. It appears to be a great book so I cannot wait to dive into it and maybe have answers for the questions I've always had. Life has been great, nothing worth writing about but I thank you for reading anyway.





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Save me from myself

Update about my life: I have been pretty happy this past week and a half. I got a book coming in the mail about Jesus which I cannot wait to start reading. I want to learn about him and finally build a relationship with him which I have been longing for. I have also grown into a hockey fan, I have been watching the Carolina Hurricanes which are a pretty exciting team to watch, so if you get a chance watch a game or two. No major changes have occurred I am always busy with school and mainly to tired to move or do anything. Anyways I'll update soon again I hope.





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Stars

I love the stars, and pondering on the thoughts of whats all out there.



something’s in the air tonight the sky's alive with a burning light you can mark my words something's about to breakand i found myself in a bitter fight while i've held your hand through the darkest nightdon't know where your coming from but your coming soonto a kid from oregon by way of californiaall of this is more than i've ever known or seencome on and we'll sing, like we were freepush the pedal down watch the world around fly by uscome on and we'll try, one last timei'm off of the floor one more time to find youand here we go there's nothing left to choose and here we go there's nothing left to lose


"For just as lightning comes from the east and is seen as far as the west, so will the coming of the Son of Man be." Matthew 24:27

This is it.

I have been thinking recently, about my past and the way my life is now. I am still feeling lonely and I dont know why I am letting this feeling beat me. I have overcame and been through so much more harder obsticles in my lifetime, now I am just being beaten down and walked all over by my feelings of being lonely. I will beat this and finally be content with my life, I just need to accept the way things are. My life is just going through a process right now where I am building a future for myself, and the people in my future. I imagine myself 15 years from now as: finally finding myself, being with someone special, having my bestfriend with me and finally making or have made something of myself. As of now I have nothing to offer to anyone, I am a confused lost soul who is trying to find guidance. After this guidance has been found, then my happiness will follow. Pray for me please.

The heart is a bloomShoots up through the stony groundThere's no roomNo space to rent in this townYou're out of luckAnd the reason that you had to careThe traffic is stuckAnd you're not moving anywhereYou thought you'd found a friendTo take you out of this placeSomeone you could lend a handIn return for graceIt's a beautiful day

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From Yesterday.

Today was a fairly good day, I feel great now that I feel like I have a building relationship with God. Keep your prayers up for me to find my way onto the right path. I really want to be a great guy, a kind of person that someone can count on. A type of person that people will think good things about. I like everyone else have had my share of mishaps in the past, I have saught forgivenes and I hope I can recieve it. I want to be reborn inside and live my life for Jesus Christ. The relationship I want with him is a permanent one, not an on and off one like I have had. Please continue to pray for me if you have been. Help me find my way


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Only The Lonely

Recently I have been happy with the way my life has been going. I am mainly busy with school and hanging out with Jamie. I have recently been trying to get to know God more, Ben sent me this sermon of the guy in Texas preaching about loneliness. I haven't had a chance to listen to it all yet but from what I've heard this guy knows what he is talking about and it makes me feel glad that I am not the only one having these feelings inside. It seems like no matter how hard I try I simply cannot supress these feelings of loneliness inside and I do not know why I have them. I have been giving it some thought however, I am lonely because I miss having a relationship with God, I miss my friends, and I miss the way things use to be. If you know me really well, I am not a man who is big on change. Little changes don't really bother me but something major really gets to me. I would appreciate your prayers and support.

Left my fear by the side of the roadHear You speakWon't let goFall to my knees as I lift my hands to prayGot every reason to be here againFather's love that draws me inAnd all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of YouAll I need is YouAll I need is You LordIs You Lord

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Hate the sin, love the sinner.
Mahatma Gandhi